Reflective Essay
Reflection
What makes a fifty-year-old woman, an empty nester, decide to go back to school after almost thirty years away (and not having held a job for longer than that)? A long-burning desire to be more fully educated, and the spark to finally do it, my daughter-in-law announcing her acceptance into a master’s program. That spark led me to American Military University’s Master’s of Humanities program. As the wife of a twenty-year Air Force veteran I felt an instant affinity to AMU.
Before I started the program, the humanities to me meant the study of art, music, literature, and philosophy. This was what I studied during my humanities BA program. This was what I expected to study in my humanities MA program as well. I was surprised to learn that instead I would be learning in what is called the Great Books tradition, which I had never heard of but was willing to try. The first course, HUMN 500, was a big eye-opener for me, but I was grateful for it. I learned how to better-read texts and how to write at graduate level. HUMN 500 set me up for success for all following courses. During the next course (HUMN 510) I began to feel imposter syndrome. All the other students in that course seemed brighter and more educated than I was, and when I confessed this to my professor, she reassured me that I belonged there as much as the next student. I believed her, and every time after, when I felt the imposter syndrome creep in, I remembered what this professor said. There was room for highly educated students and students like me, a wife, mother, and grandmother.
This grandmother has definitely grown as a scholar. I look back at myself before starting the program and see a person eager, excited, and a little scared to return to formal schooling. But I did not consider myself a scholar yet. I feel like I settled into scholar-hood during my third course. That is when I felt like everything started to come together for me, like I was “getting the hang of it.” I was beginning to understand the format of e-learning and taking directions from my professor. I discovered I liked this way of learning from the material and from my classmates. I gradually became more at ease with who I was becoming, and no matter what else I did after graduation, I wanted to be a life-long learner. At this point in my scholarly “career,” I feel like I could comfortably continue my education, join the workforce, or simply continue learning out of the best books for the rest of my life.
As I mentioned above, I see three potential paths for myself after graduation: continue my formal education, get a job, or be content as a life-long learner. Before starting the program, I assumed I would be happy being a life-long learner. Now, however, I feel called to give back. I can help others benefit from my education. Whether I become a teacher (which career assessments tell me would be best) or work for a non-profit organization, I think I could do well. Of course, with the job market being so finnicky, I could still end up going with my third choice and be happy learning and volunteering. I have learned that I enjoy interacting with people both remotely and in person and would like to make relationships a greater part of my life.
One big concept I did not understand well before starting the program was feminism/gender equality. I had experienced gender inequality myself without realizing I had experienced it. I have had mostly positive experiences with medical care while in the military health care system, but occasionally I received care where the practitioner “talked down” to me because I was a woman. And since my youngest child came out as non-binary, I have become even more sensitive to gender equality issues. But I had to discover Mary Wollstonecraft and other proto-feminists before I had a name for how my youngest and I were being treated. Wollstonecraft and others gave voice to the inequality of girls and women, and I finally understood how the roots of feminism grew into modern feminism then gender equality. Surprisingly, I learned that gender equality has taken a step backward in the 21st century, especially as the original modern feminists like Gloria Steinham die off. Salaries for women in the workplace are still lower than men’s salaries and women’s health issues are sometimes still being written off. Gender-affirming care is under attack in many states (Missouri, for example, which borders my home state) like the right to abortion, even when medically necessary. All these things I would not have become aware of and interested in if I had not studied feminism more closely.
Another big concept that has piqued my interest since starting the humanities program is humanism. I had known its definition, to some degree, since high school. But what I only learned recently is it has classical roots. During the Renaissance course, I became fascinated enough to write a paper on the different humanists I had discovered in the course, leading me to dig deeper into humanism as a Renaissance movement. I learned the movement is alive and well today, and humanists still seek the good of mankind. It is incredible to me that the movement is still popular and a Renaissance product remains even now.
A third big idea that caught my attention is social contract theory. I first encountered this theory in Thomas Hobbes’ book, Leviathan. After reading parts of that, I then read some of the works of John Locke, who further refined the theory in his own way. After Locke came John-Jaques Rousseau, who wrote a whole book on the subject. These men inspired my paper on social contract theory and the Declaration of Independence. In the Declaration, I found the fingerprints of the three theorists, particularly Locke. They inspired Thomas Jefferson’s writing of our founding document, in which the social contract between England and the infant United States was broken. This was an inspiring connection for me, as I love our country and am proud of the way the social contract was rewritten for us, its people. I hope more people can understand how the social contract with our government works and that the government itself recognizes it as well.
The last big concept I want to talk about is individualism, particularly how it is talked about in Robert Bellah, et al.’s work, Habits of the Heart. In it, the authors speak about two types of individualism. One type involves individuals reaching outside themselves to help their fellow man, and the other type, when individuals turn inward to focus on their own desires. I learned that the first, altruistic type is not as common as the second, selfish type, and this is the cause of a lot of problems we face in the United States. I believe that if more people would turn outward, we could solve many of the problems facing our society today. Altruism not only helps us but others as well. I volunteer, and I believe it has helped me in my quest to be a less selfish person.
Initially, the compilation of my portfolio felt rushed. I approached the process by deciding which courses and papers from those courses were my favorites. By choosing this way, I was able to reflect on the parts of the courses I enjoyed and why, and the concepts from those courses stuck with me. Then the compilation did not feel like a chore but a delight that I got to consider each course and the work I did within it. The only part of my portfolio that brought up any angst was the writing and polishing of my analytical narrative. I tend to overthink my work, and I did a lot of that on that paper. I am sure I will still have moments of angst as I finish up my HUMN 697 work but just knowing I am nearly finished has brought me moments of joy alongside the angst.
My portfolio may be of interest to potential employers because it demonstrates my thoughts on various big ideas that are still issues today. I hope my writing conveys my knowledge of and interest in these subjects, especially if they are important to the potential employer. To me, my work demonstrates knowledge and achievement beyond what my GPA says.
My next steps (beyond graduation) include taking some time to finish projects I have going on, unrelated to academia. I have almost no interest in furthering my education by pursuing a PhD. Instead, I aim to become a lifelong learner by reading more of the Great Books and other books recommended by former professors. I also want to get a job, preferably as a teacher or working for an area nonprofit organization, using the skills and knowledge I acquired while in this program. I realize that will be a lot of work in and of itself, so I plan to work with AMU’s Career Services to help me get up to speed.
If you have read this far, I thank you. I am grateful for the people and circumstances that made it possible for me to pursue a master’s degree at AMU. It has been both intellectually stimulating and rewarding, not only because of the course materials but because of the people I have met along the way. People are the true treasure of society, and I hope to come to know many more.